Becoming Us

When it rains, it pours

I stared at the pee stick I held in my hand, utterly shocked by the positive sign. A million thoughts ran through my head, from birth to child care, to baby names–all things I didn’t need to be thinking about right now, at this moment, when I’d just learned that we have made a life together. We’re going to have a baby.

I held my phone set to camera mode, placing the pee stick in the best light possible. As I fidgeted my way in finding the light, my phone showed me that I had a new email saying, “You’re hired!” or words along those lines.

Huh.

When it rains, it pours. In a good way. I’m not much of a rain lover myself, growing up in the tropics where rain is the ultimate killjoy of afternoon activities. But in this case, rain is a good thing, a very good thing.

We had hoped to start a family soon after our travels. We learned that we needed some intervention (mostly on my part) and made progress towards it. But we didn’t realize we’d conceive this fast after the surgery. Praise be.

We’re going to have a baby.

On being a career-minded, child-bearing aged woman

At the same time, I was faced with the ultimate conundrum that women of child-bearing age face: starting a family vs. furthering a career. I was literally confronted with both on the exact same day. It was so coincidental, it could only be something you’d watch in movies. But this was real life. My life. What was I going to do?

As it turns out, I was blessed to get a job offer from an employer that was family-friendly and flexible. I was terrified about starting a new job pregnant, and could only imagine other women who weren’t as fortunate with understanding employers. What an unjust place this world is for women; we’re so blessed with the ability to give life yet the world punishes our kind for being able to do so and want/need to earn a living.

(Side note: I was very empowered and inspired after reading Michelle Obama’s Becoming. So much of her words spoke to me, especially as I was experiencing first-hand the issues of being a woman in today’s world, and learning how she navigated through them all.)

I started my new position secretly pregnant. I knew I wouldn’t show until months later, so I went along with everything without a word. And then I learned that my supervisor was also expecting a child, due only a month before from me. I decided it was timely to tell him about my condition because we’d need to plan out the spring!

I had no expectations for paid maternity leave, given that I was new to my role. To my surprise, my employer was able to work something out so I would have partial paid maternity, and along with US-based disability laws (yes, giving birth qualifies as a short-term disability) and paid and unpaid time off, I would get to spend a few months off with our new baby. Another relief!

The journey so far

I’ve been blessed with a relatively smooth pregnancy thus far. My first trimester nausea was manageable if not more annoying because as it turns out eating every two hours isn’t as fun (and I gained more weight than I needed to!), although the fatigue and lack of motivation was real; my second trimester was mostly a breeze save for a temporary placenta previa scare (it resolved itself, thankfully); and the third trimester is revealing itself to be the most uncomfortable but still, a bearable time.

I’ve been asked about my cravings. I wish I had a fun answer of having craved peanut butter and pickles. But my cravings haven’t been as wild–Subway sandwiches, chocolate chip cookies, cucumbers–all things I used to eat anyway. As far as having to stay away from certain foods, my approach has been much like my approach to vegetarianism: focus on the things I can eat rather than can’t. And for the most part, I can eat almost anything! Even alcohol, in moderate sips.

I’ve been able to do most things as I was able to before pregnant, and have been told that I don’t “act pregnant”, whatever that means. Perhaps that I can outpace non-preggos in stair climbing and speed-walking? Maybe. But I fear those days are coming to a close as this baby gains weight and I embrace the waddle. I do miss bouldering and biking, but life is fine without having to do those things. What I look forward to getting back to is a good, sweaty workout. For now, I’m enjoying the excuse of not being able to do much due to carrying precious cargo.

Becoming us

It’s hard to imagine how different our lives will be in just a few short weeks. None of our decisions will be about just the two of us anymore, but about our little family of three. Insane! Suddenly we’re thinking of child care, flexible work schedules, and child-friendly neighborhoods. And what that will all cost. (In summary, a lot.)

The many clichés associated with pregnancy, without going into them (i.e., that it is magical, beautiful, etc.), I have to say are true. And I am told the same about motherhood and parenting (i.e. that it is the most challenging and rewarding thing to ever happen to you), which I look forward to experiencing with my partner. It’s not going to be easy, but we’ll do it hand in hand. I can’t wait to see him become a dad.